Who am I ?!
Why am I here in this world ?!
How does this life work ?!
What do (Love, Soulmate, friend) mean ?!
Why do I always get sad easily ?!
Why do I love people honestly while almost of them don’t ?!
Why do I always respect and appreciate people’s feelings while they hurt with no care ?!
Why do I believe every word is said to me ?!
Am I really a naive person ?!
Am I really strong or just pretend to be ?!
and if I was really strong, so why I need those whom I love to be always near and suffer a lot once they leave ?!
or Am I really weak and dependent ?!
I don’t try to tell you that I’m an ideal girl, or that I’ve such kind of feeling that I’m persecuted by everyone. NO!
But when I love any person, I do it honestly, I care too much and even ready to sacrifice for pleasing them.
For more than 2 years, and all these thoughts and unanswerable questions surround me and prevent me from taking a comfortable quiet breath.
I discovered that I misunderstood this life, how it works and all the people.
I’m now lost in this world and drowning in my grief, life problems and so many bad emotions.
I no longer able to deal with people, as I no longer trust and believe in anything.
See, how I became!
you know, once a person come and tell me anything whatever, the first reaction my mind take is “This could be fake, what guarantee that this person and his words are true, Don’t do the same mistake again, Don’t believe, Don’t trust, Don’t open your heart!” all these words became like a principle I follow and a slogan which I raise it up in everyone’s face.
I wanna really know what’s the right way of dealing with life and people without getting pain.
I don’t like the idea of being surrounded by all of these darkness while I’m in my twentieth and being called as a gloomy girl and love the life of drama!!
I got sick of the whole life, people and no longer like talking or revealing anything about me.
I feel that I became a stranger here, even stranger among those whom I love and were like a home to me. I just feel homesick all the time!
Yes, I know that it’s always my fault, but this is who I’m and what I feel. I’m not such person who can control her emotions and be cruel with people, I really can’t do!
I love you, then you hurt me so it gonna be so hard to me, because I’ll not be able to hate you or treat you cruelly!
-I’m just trying to express what I’m feeling, although this doesn’t describe well, as I became failing even in expressing about what I feel!